


Rosalie

by PipperHearts



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Cullen Family - Freeform, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt, Rosalie Hale Deserves Better, Sad, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PipperHearts/pseuds/PipperHearts
Summary: A little exploration inside the dynamics between Rosalie and the rest of the family.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Rosalie

The family had preferred once again a spacious house with big windows to let the light come in, a direct contradiction to the idea that humans had of a vampire’s way of life, and even though she couldn’t negate the beauty and comfort of the houses Esme always chose, sometimes Rosalie wished they had less open spaces for even if each one had their own room, most of the time she could see the rest of the family content spending time with each other. Whenever she came back from a hunting she would see Carlisle and Edward passing their days engaging in heated discussions or Esme enjoying the sound of Edward’s piano as background music while she draw comfortably sharing a couch with her husband. Of course she could hear them laughing and talking before she was near enough to see them but, for some reason, looking at the scene always made it more real, and it reminded her of the separation between her new family and her.

  
Family… was that was she was to them? She wasn’t even sure. Esme was the first to really welcome Rosalie as a Cullen—it was only natural of her thanks to her motherly characteristics—, Edward had always been neutral with her and in a way she appreciated it, _it’s much better than a forced relationship_ , she would think; even with Carlisle she was able to form a cordial relationship after several years of avoiding him, but as much as she was welcomed with them she couldn’t put her mind to rest when she saw the love they had for each other, something she had only seen once before with Vera—her human friend and her little family—something she never had, never from her human parents and, as she tragically came to know, never from Royce.

  
Since she was human, Rosalie lived surrounded by every commodity one could desire and when Carlisle brought her to her second life, even when she didn’t filled the roll of Edward’s mate, he gave Rosalie everything she was used to, expensive jewelry, travels all over the world and of course, beautiful gowns, dresses that only made her looks even more astonishing and she… resented him, not only for converting her after the traumatic event that was destined to end her life but because now even more than before, people were complementing her looks, once again she wasn’t more than someone’s beautiful woman, in this case Carlisle’s beautiful daughter or sister depending on the story they were performing. And once again she came to a realization she had encounter too late as a human, she was only her looks… and that left her empty.

  
Those that didn’t praised her gorgeousness, critiqued her as self-absorbed, vain and narcissistic but no one had ever tried to see her for more than her exterior and with time, Rosalie started to see herself as the cold bitch everyone took her as, because as much as she was in pain, it was easier to present herself as such, that way no one could bother her, or at least that’s what she thought. Yes she owned her status as a heartless woman but the suffering was still pulling at her heart and the way everyone on the outside saw her prevented anyone from offering help and she didn’t know how to ask for it.

  
As the years went by, every time they moved, Rose would help Esme planing the decor and the things that would need to change to accommodate each member of the family—something she became good at—but even then, when Rose and her mom where enjoying their time together, it was abundantly clear that Esme always preferred to spend the time she was not giving to her mate or fulfilling her motherly rol, with Edward rather than her. In return, Rosalie became more and more lonely, she started spending her time in hobbies that would let her physically isolate herself to match the emotional counterpart.

  
At first, she took to reading but that meant going to Carlisle for his books and even though the fury she felt for him the first years of her new life were gone, she still couldn’t take herself to enjoy his company because every time she looked into his eyes she would see pity, any other emotion she would—if not accept—understand and tolerate, but pity? That caused her pain. For once, the pity made her fears of being unwanted more present, they usually stayed in the back of her mind, encased by her cold demeanor, but every time Rose catched her father looking at her that way, she wondered if every time he had assured her she was welcomed, every time he had gifted her something, or those few moments coexisting amicably were all lies.

  
As a human, even if only for her looks, she was useful to her parents since a marriage to a wealthy man would increase the family status and wealth, and for the monster that became her fiancé, a beautiful woman was all he was missing; but to Carlisle, what use did she have? He already had a gorgeous woman and a gifted son, she couldn’t bring any of her wealth to the vampiric life, but even if she could, he clearly had more than enough to live comfortably. Was the pity he felt the only thing that made him keep her?  
Worse was that the feeling her adoptive father showed on the way he looked at her made Rosalie remember how terrible she felt about herself, logically she knew what had happened wasn’t her fault but emotionally she just didn’t know how to move on, how to stop feeling so consumed by her wounds.

  
Before Emmett came into her life, Rosalie had time and time again asked herself why didn’t she just leave, leave the rest of the Cullens behind, _I could just go through this eternity alone_ , she told herself feeling just as lonely on her own than when sharing a house with Carlisle, Esme and Edward, of course she could, she was Rosalie Lilian Hale and her pride could take her far, as she exemplified with her determination and control when she decided to hunt down Royce and his friends as a newborn without tasting a single drop of their filthy blood. In the end, after each occasion the idea of leaving crossed her mind she would just shove it away for it would be easier to just keep a strong front to have the commodities the Cullen patriarch offered, could anyone blame her? In the end, that was what everyone expected of her, right? Rosalie the self-obsessed dumb blonde, only preoccupied with trivial things.

  
In several occasions she wondered If Edward ever catched those thoughts on her mind, had he shared them with Carlisle? Were they mad at her? With time she got better at keeping him out, the truth was, she couldn’t care less about what Edward thought of her, but even if hurt by what was reflected in Carlisle’s gaze toward her, she clearly saw the great man that came to mind to all of his acquaintances, his conviction and compassion made him a roll model to many and with time, she came to see him as a fatherly figure that could fill the gap that her human father never did.

  
At first she thought both men were similar, both gave her every material good she asked for and then they just let her be, but as time went by even if Rosalie was afraid to just be a burden to Carlisle, she realized that the lack of relation with her father figures was different; the more she thought about it Rose realized that she and her human father never had any intention of having a relation in the first place, she didn’t even knew him, he was always busy with his work and more important things, to him a family was just more of a chore, an obligation a man of his position needed to have and perhaps he didn’t even ever wanted to have one.

  
With Carlisle on the other hand was clearly not the fact that he didn’t want a family, even if he was asked by Edward’s human mother to save him anyway he could, he still could have chosen not to but he did, and then he had taken Esme as his wife, even if moved by other motives, he had called Rose a daughter when he could had abandoned her after her new born months and so she felt like she owed him something in return. After Carlisle changed Emmett at her request, a bond of loyalty from her to him cemented but even then, that link was not without the lingering fear of shameful compassion and regret. Of course she wanted him to love her like the daughter he claimed to see her as but to Rose, it would be more than enough if he al least made her feel wanted, to see her as something more than a pretty face.

  
As a mind reader, Edward would theoretically be able to understand her but he didn’t, of course not, he could only hear or see the thoughts but he couldn’t feel them, the fear and pain Rosalie had gone through were missing from the images that Edward was able to access from her mind, and by the time the empath came into her life, the pain had been so great that not even Rosalie herself was able to go through the walls she had built, besides, Jasper had his own demons he had to work through, how could she add her burden to his, now she not only had to control her thoughts but she also kept her emotions in check, contributing to her famous image as an arrogant ice queen.

  
Every vampire she had known said that there was a time in their lives when their human memories were long forgotten, something she longed for, but as the time went by she realized fate wouldn’t grant her that mercy, her trauma had been too fresh in her mind while Carlisle claimed her as his daughter that it had accompanied her into her second life, making it impossible for her to get rid of the nightmares that assaulted her without being asleep. With time she had learned how to deal with the fear—which was easier to manage than the pain—something that was eased by the love that had bloomed between Emmett and her, for never had she felt so connected to anyone before and she hated the first years of their relationship when she would still flinch at his touch, no matter the playfulness or innocence behind his actions, the memories of her last human night still too present in her mind.

  
At some point she started thinking the distance that Edward and Carlisle had put between them and Rosalie was the result of the discomfort and anxiety being near men caused her, she thought she was good at dissimulating but maybe Edward had been able to see it in her mind, that’s when her rage started to diminish although never completely forgotten. Her brother had told her once that Carlisle had changed her in order to save her and as much as she truly believed he actually thought he was saving her, she didn’t feel in her heart she could accept that, even less, she wasn’t ready to forgive him and move on. Nevertheless she did force herself to remember everyday that Carlisle had change her because he thought it was the best course of action, and at least something positive had come out of it; if she had died that day she wouldn’t have been able to kill Royce and his friends, which meant that some other girls would have fallen victims to them.

  
But still, losing the things that her humanity could have given her still burned at the back of her mind. Of course she loved Emmett, but she would be lying if she didn’t missed the stability that came with not having to move every decade or so to keep their secret, she hated having to hice on sunny days but as she saw everyone around her grow old, she wished she could have met Emmett still as a human woman, able to have children of her own with him, seeing them grow up and them grow old together, just like everyone else. Now, she lived as a young woman over and over again, unchanging.

  
With time, her relationship with Carlisle got better, some people could've said she had resigned to her life and though she couldn’t deny that in part that was true, thinking she had helped some one by getting rid of Royce and having met Emmett made it better, but at one point Alice came into the family and she once again started questioning the sentiments his father claimed to have for her. When the pixie-like vampire arrived she infected everyone in the family with her attitude, Alice didn’t remember anything from her time as a human but her visions into the future made her optimistic and when she and Jasper finally showed up to the Cullen’s house she was so familiar with everyone that it was like they had known each other for forever, something that quickly became two-sided. She was turned into Edward’s favorite sibling in no time and before long, Alice was the one helping Esme with the decorating and fashion aspects of adopting a new life, additionally, her gift helped Carlisle ensure the surviving and well being of the family.

  
Her new sister had her on way of looking at the world around her and her happy personality drew everybody to her, even Rosalie. She didn’t hate her new sister, on the contrary, she liked having another woman in the house but she did feel jealous of her ability to form relationships with everyone so quickly, and now, when her father wasn’t busy with the usual members of the family, he was being ambushed by the precognizant girl’s curiosity, something that overwhelmed Rosalie, who had developed a more introverted personality inside the family so after all the years together, she still longed for that connection with her family.

  
At one point, when all the family started to buy fancy cars—and as she tried more and more hobbies—Rosalie realized she really liked working on them so she became the one they would go to when their vehicles broke down or when they wanted to acquire a new one; she liked feeling useful so she happily helped when needed; furthermore, maintaining the cars kept her in the garage a lot of the time, finally giving her the excuse to be alone. When she first started working regularly in the garage, it was quite a comunal space but as everyone saw how much time she spent there they silently designated that room as Rosalie’s Space, just like Edward’s music room or Carlisle’s office, and as such, her father made sure she had everything she needed in there from a bigger space to comfortably repair the vehicles as well as an office if she just wanted somewhere else to be.

  
Of course it was nice to have a place on the property where she could go to spend time with herself, but the separation of spaces and accidental miscommunication resulted on almost no one stepping in the garage, aside from Emmett, if it wasn’t to drop or take their cars. On the contrary, the other Cullens moved freely between the public places of the rest of the house and the music room or the office, not only because they liked to listen to Edward play or because the had something to talk about with Carlisle, they just liked spending time in each other’s company. She recalled an occasion when Esme and Alice had come back from a shopping trip, both of them with a bunch of bags that where surely filled with new clothing, thanks to Alice’s favorite pastime.

  
“Hello darling, I’ll just take all of this with me in one trip so we don’t bother you” said her mom after the little pixie had already gone inside the house with her share of purchases. “By the way, Alice picked some new things for you, I think they were in the bags she already took, you know she loves to make a whole show of the things she buys for everyone.”

  
“It’s okay, I can go with you, I’m already finished anyway so I was just cleaning” said Rosalie quickly rubbing the oil off her hands with the rag she was using while walking to help Esme with some of the bags even though she knew it wasn’t necessary.

  
“Don’t worry.” Esme continued with sincerity. “I’ll leave them in your room or give them to Emmett” added before she was gone.

  
“Oh, sure…” said the blond girl knowing Esme meant well but at the same time feeling her fear of being unwanted creeping slowly inside her.

  
After a couple of minutes she could hear the rest of the family from inside the house, who were probably brought together in the living room by Alice’s insistence. A few seconds later Edward knocked on the door while Rosalie was putting all her equipment in its respective place.

  
“Apparently Alice bought some things for you” said her brother not waiting for Rosalie to acknowledge his arrival verbally.

  
“Yeah, Esme told me, I’m cleaning here so she said she’d leave them on my room”

  
“You’re not coming? Alice will probably want to show the stuff she picked in front of everyone so that you praise how good her taste is,” with that, a small smirk was briefly drawn in Rose’s lips. “You know how she is.” Edward continued.

  
“I have to finish this.” declared the girl.

  
“I thought you were done…” said the boy with fake innocence in his voice, knowing full well that was what she had told Esme minutes before as well as the thoughts spiraling in her mind.

  
“Yeah well I haven’t.” Rosalie snapped back.

  
“Suit yourself.” was the last thing he said before leaving.

  
She put the last two things away and after throwing away the trash she took a couple of second to compose herself before deciding to go to the living room with everyone else. When she stepped into the family atmosphere she realized all the sitting places that were not occupied with the family had the shopping bags but before she could leave Carlisle got up and offer her his seat.


End file.
